Asthma

Along with my usual seasonal allergies this year (which seem to last in every season but winter now, but I digress) I have developed asthma. I don't have it to a terribly bad degree yet, but it's there. I've found that the asthma affects my voice as well. This, I'm assuming, is due to the extra stress put on me from trying to breathe. However, after using my inhaler, I speak clearer than I did even before the attack in many circumstances. Albuterol is a bronchodilator, so it should have no effect on my lungs or vocal cords. Over the years I have overcompensated for having abductor-type spasmodic dysphonia by becoming very breathy with my speech. With the albuterol increasing air flow and relaxing lung muscles, this allows me to take deeper breaths, and therefore have a more powerful voice.

In other news, I have become quite busy with my medical transcription job. I personally work on three different hospital accounts. This year I started work on the third. My job still continues to work out well for me, as the only communication I have with any coworkers or bosses is through chat or email, as I work remotely at home.

Missed it again

This past week marks the 6-year anniversary of getting spasmodic dysphonia. I'm doing fairly well, all things considered. I don't really use my voice much except for talking to my husband, kids, and others on occasion, and even though I haven't been doing my exercises, it's far better than it was at this point six years ago.

I'm trying to improve my health this year. While I'm not exactly unhealthy, I'm trying to get more fit. I'm also taking the time to get proper treatment for my feet. I have disappearing arches, and my trip to Disney World in late February-early March was not kind to my feet :P. My old prescription insoles don't seem to fit anymore, so it's time for some new ones. Perhaps doing proper voice exercises will fit into my plan to get healthier.

I'm still afraid to go places alone without someone to communicate for me. When purchasing some chocolate Easter bunnies at a local chocolate maker, I had to have my mom order what I wanted because I just couldn't speak loud enough. It's still humbling, even after all this time, that I can't speak up in everyday situations.

Addendum to my last post

In my last post, I had complained about a reply I had gotten on one of my videos on YouTube. The same person commented with this on my previous reply:
All i am trying to say is that... from my "perspective" SD isn't a big deal. Alot of people think stuttering isn't a big deal, but you say you stutter, and you know how it really is. I am saying compared to stuttering, it doesn't "SEEM" like a big deal. Like i said in my first post "I AM NOT SURE" if it's like my stuttering, the psycological affects.

I dropped the conversation on my YouTube video because I obviously wasn't going to make any headway with this guy. I made it quite obvious what the psychological effects could be from SD, but apparently he has a one-track mind. I'm not understanding why it's so important to make your disorder/disability/condition appear so much worse than that of someone else. If you "aren't sure" how a disorder affects someone psychologically, why profess that your disorder is so much worse?

I'm of the opinion that a disability is what you make of it. If you want to dwell and wallow in self pity, that's your prerogative, but it isn't doing you any good. It isn't doing you any good to proclaim that you've got it so much worse. Understand what your disability is and work through it. Find other venues. For example, I can't reliably work with the public, so I got training to work in medical transcription. I now work from home, and most of my communication is done via chat programs or email. Will this work for everyone? No, there are certainly some disabilities that are harder to overcome. But it's a lot healthier to have a positive outlook on things than negative regardless of what may ail you. It's downright unhealthy to have a negative attitude about everything, and especially to take said attitude out on other people--including other people who may relate to you.

Furthermore, the same type of disability can affect one person worse than another. Some people don't let things get them down too much, and other people dwell on it for years. This is the same for any traumatic event. I like to think that I handle SD really well now. At first I was hurt and confused. I didn't know what I had. I didn't know why I could only talk at a whisper. It took three years for me to get a proper diagnosis. However, it should not matter how I personally handle my issues, because things affect everyone differently. So while it might not seem like a "big deal" to have SD to you, it could mean everything to someone else. Not me, though--I don't let it define who I am. That's not to say it isn't a big part of my life. I can't finish reading a children's book to my two daughters without my voice cutting out. I wouldn't be able to work at a drive-thru at a fast food restaurant, and I often let my husband take care of my ordering for me when we go out places. People think I'm snubbing them or that I'm angry at them because I don't talk much, but it's really that I can't speak.

I've managed to do a lot with SD. There are a lot of famous and successful stutterers. Beethoven, one of the world's greatest composers, still wrote and created music after he became deaf. A disability is an obstacle, but not necessarily a wall. And it's up to the individual to decide which they believe it is.

And that's about all I have to say on the matter :).

In other news, I managed to track down my voice exercise sheet that I received from my speech therapist a couple of years ago. Since we moved over the summer it went MIA, but while looking through some boxes for some tax documents I managed to find it. I'll take up doing my exercises on a more regular basis again.

Confusing replies on YouTube

From time to time, I will check what posts have shown up on my YouTube videos (the ones also posted in this blog) to see if there are any comments that I should respond to. The last two comments left were related to stuttering. One guy asked if people have psychological effects from SD. He said he didn't think it was such a big deal, as he is a stutterer, and some people who stutter feel afraid to go out into public and even commit suicide. I was a bit baffled about what kind of response to give. First of all, I found it incredibly offensive he was playing the "my problem is worse than yours" game. I've been a stutterer, too, but not nearly to the degree that some people are. I still stutter occasionally. Although I found the original comment a bit inflammatory, I politely explained to him that perhaps before assuming that SD isn't "a big deal" he should read stories from people who have it. I explained that it is an incurable neurological disorder that is considered a disability. His following reply was "Yeah, you're right. this is a big deal, compared to stuttering, since you guys can talk and we can't correct? (rolls eyes)." I'm not entirely sure he even listened to this particular video, at least all of it, because my voice cuts out terribly while I am reading the book. Sometimes we can't talk. I have my husband order for me when we go out to restaurants. I try not to put myself into situations where I can't be heard, like a concert.

A second person made a comment about stuttering. He was not nearly as aggressive. He asked if stuttering was a symptom, and he said he didn't know why people make a big deal about SD, as people who stutter have hard times too. I explained that no, stuttering is not a symptom. What he is hearing is my vocal cords being pulled apart, but I have had issues with stuttering in the past. I also stated that people aren't making a big enough deal out of SD because it's very little-known.

I shouldn't be too angry about this, but I just don't understand making posts on videos about how much worse your disability is than the person who posted the video. Does it matter? Not once did I claim that stuttering wasn't a problem. However, it's a problem faced by many more people than SD (millions compared to about 50,000), and it is something that is a well-known issue. SD is not, and the point of the videos was to bring awareness.

My voice is so-so right now. I'm over my cold, so I don't have that bothering me as much. I did make another video, which I will be posting here soon. Followers of this blog already know much of this information, but those who have only seen my videos do not. I guess you can view the video as a kind of refresher.

Well...

I'm just about over my cold, but yesterday was the worst my voice has been in months. I sounded like a boy going through puberty! My voice was all over the place. It squeaked, cracked, and cut out all night. Normally my voice doesn't have too many issues. I have a mild case of SD, and it is usually pretty good. Yes, I talk in a softer voice to accommodate the breaks, but overall it's okay. But yesterday was the first time in months that it cut out constantly like that. Hopefully it's just as a result of the cold and not because it's actually getting worse. Only time will tell.

Update time

Thanks to all who voted in the NSDA Share Your Story contest! Congratulations to the winners!

I've been pretty MIA from this blog for a while, I know. I tend to go absent during the holidays anyway, but my husband's grandfather died on December 26th, then recently we've all been sick with colds here. The cold has, of course, had an adverse effect on my voice. When I have been able to talk, I've had a very low, weak voice. The cold is mostly gone now, but I've still had a really scratchy throat.

I've recently taken a job doing in-home parties on the side. It shouldn't be very often, but I've been concerned about how my voice will hold up sometimes. However, as long as I don't really stress about it, I think I should do fine. A friend of mine has noticed when I go to the gym my voice gets worse. I assume this is due to the extra stress put on the throat by breathing harder and more frequently. She also noticed when I get emotionally stressed it my voice cuts out more. I knew about the latter, but I never really thought about the former.

Otherwise, I don't really have a lot to update with. I'm not going to speech therapy, I'm not getting Botox shots or anything...I'm just doing basically the same thing I have been for a while. Which is good, I suppose. Don't need the boat rocked too much :).